Raymond Gregson was facing the possible removal of his daughter from his household, and social workers with Child Protective Services were telling him it would be wise for him to take a 12-week domestic violence course. They were saying this not because he had been violent, nor because there was suspicion he had been violent, but because a child welfare check on his household in Aberdeen, Washington had determined that domestic violence was present.
Ray, who was struggling with a substance use disorder at the time, was adamantly opposed to CPS placing his daughter in foster care. Social workers coached him that completing the course would bolster his case for being a fit parent.
So he decided to take the 12-week course. The Domestic Violence Center of Grays Harbor in Hoquiam was the nearest place he could do it.
Once Ray started the domestic violence course, he found that the language in the curriculum assumed that domestic abusers are male, and that when domestic violence is present in a household children should be with their mother. This was offensive and ill-suited to Ray’s situation.
After completing the course Ray offered to help re-write the curriculum to make it gender neutral. That modified version of the text became the new curriculum used at the Domestic Violence Center of Grays Harbor. This all took place in 2016.
The remainder of this article will shine light on a positive transformation in a different domestic violence curriculum that is also used in Washington state.
Workbook used by dozens of municipal courts
Until recently, municipal courts all around Washington were prescribing a workbook for domestic violence offenders that marginalized victims of intimate partner violence who are not heterosexual women. The 1st, 2nd, and 3rd editions of the Bringing Peace to Relationships workbook exclusively used male terms for abusers and female terms for abuse victims. However, the 4th edition of the workbook, released in 2019 and gradually implemented thereafter by coordinators of domestic violence programs, uses gender-neutral terms for abusers and survivors.
The appendix at the bottom of this blog post shows examples comparing the old language (1st through 3rd editions) with the new language (4th edition).
Domestic violence is not merely a matter of men mistreating women
The use of gender neutral language in workbooks for domestic violence offenders is appropriate considering that males are far from the only people who use violence with intimate partners, and considering that heterosexual relationships are far from the only relationships in which intimate partner violence occurs. For evidence of these assertions, here are three Washington-specific statistics:
- “19% of women and 9% of men in Washington [experience] domestic violence during their lifetimes.” [Source: Report to the Washington State Legislature by the Domestic Violence Perpetrator Treatment Work Group, 2020]
- “41% of Washington women and 32% of Washington men experience intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner rape and/or intimate partner stalking in their lifetimes.” [Source: Washington State Fact Sheet, National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 2021]
- “Among large population samples, 60% of IPV reported was bi-directional, 42% unidirectional; 14% of the unidirectional violence was male to female (MFPV), 28% was female to male (FMPV).” [Source: Washington State Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Guide for Intimate Partner Violence, 2020]
Given that many females deploy violence in relationships, local governments across Washington state should have plenty of avenues for treatments and interventions to help women who abuse. The interventions should be culturally competent. A workbook that frames abusers only as men and abuse victims only as women is inappropriate for women who need exposure to the reality that nothing about their sex/gender makes them incapable of perpetrating domestic violence, and nothing about their sex/gender excuses their abusive behaviors.
See our related article and video: “Bias Around Domestic Violence is Bad for Everyone. Time for DV Experts to Change”
Where is the Bringing Peace to Relationships workbook used?
The Washington State Gender and Justice Commission in 2021 released a report entitled Evaluation of Washington State Domestic Violence – Moral Reconation Therapy (DV-MRT) Programs Process and Outcomes. This was an evaluation of the domestic violence program that uses the Bringing Peace to Relationships workbook. The report’s lead author was Amelie Pedneault, a criminal justice professor at Washington State University.
“In an attempt to counteract the cyclical nature of DV and to address the high costs of DV treatment, the Washington State Supreme Court Gender and Justice Commission called for an evaluation of court-sponsored Domestic Violence – Moral Reconation Therapy (DV-MRT) programs.”
According to the evaluation, dozens of municipal courts and district courts across the state are using the Bringing Peace to Relationships workbook. Such courts are located in Spokane, Olympia, Bellingham, Walla Walla, Bellevue, Bothell, Federal Way, Issaquah, Kent, Kirkland, Maple Valley, Renton, SeaTac, Tukwila, Cle Elum, Long Beach, Eatonville, Puyallup, Sumner, Edmonds, Everett, Marysville, and elsewhere.
From discrimination to inclusion
The 4th edition of the Bringing Peace to Relationships workbook, released in 2019 by Correctional Counseling Inc., uses gender-neutral language rather than gender-specific language when describing abusers and abused people. This is a positive development for the inclusion of non-heterosexual couples and the inclusion of men and nonbinary persons generally. The first three editions of the workbook ignored the existence of configurations of domestic violence that are not male-to-female, despite the workbook being used to treat not just straight men but also straight women and gay and nonbinary individuals.
Comparing 3rd edition and 4th edition
Using skewed statistics, earlier versions of the workbook also presented an inaccurate picture of the gender makeup of domestic violence victims. The 4th edition of the workbook remedies this problem too.
A court official in Tukwila who administers the program that uses this workbook told us that before transitioning to the 4th edition she first used up all her 3rd editions, which were published in 2011. It is reasonable to conclude, then, that it was 2020 or even more recently when most courts in Washington began using a version of the Bringing Peace to Relationships workbook that is gender inclusive.
Evidence for the gender symmetry in partner violence has been with us for several decades. The fact that this workbook published by Correctional Counseling Inc. and used by Washington’s courts only switched to using gender-neutral language within the last five years shows how challenging it is — and how slow progress can be — to uproot gender bias from the issue of domestic violence and relationship abuse.
See also: 40 Years After Wife’s Assault With Butcher Knife, Man Realizes It Was Domestic Violence
Appendix – Comparing 3rd edition to 4th edition
Below are side-by-side excerpts from the 3rd and 4th editions of the Bringing Peace to Relationships workbook allowing for comparison between the two. These are examples of instances of gender-specific language switching to gender-neutral language.
Chapter 1: Domestic Violence May Be Common, But It’s Not Normal
| Bringing Peace to Relationships (3rd Edition) | Bringing Peace to Relationships (4th Edition) |
| Every year 4 million women get battered by a man with whom they are involved and half a million men are battered by a woman…Less than 10% of men will ever batter, hit, or seriously emotionally abuse their partner. Less than 1% of women are abusers. | No one knows for certain how many people get abused each year. In America it is estimated that about 10 million people experience domestic abuse each year and there are 1-3 million formal reports made annually. |
| It is true that women commit some of the violence in families. However, only one out of every 7 to 11 acts of domestic violence are perpetrated by women. So, while women do commit some acts of violence in homes, by far men do most of it. | [This paragraph is replaced by one about how stalking and domestic violence also occurs within LGBTQ relationships.] |
| 4% of women are reported battered each year, and up to 25% of women may eventually be battered. 88% of domestic violence is done by men and 12% by women. | 1-3 million domestic violence reports are made each year. There may be another 7-9 million unreported cases. Up to 25% of partners may eventually be battered. |
| In this exercise you will look at why most men don’t abuse the important women in their lives. Begin by writing three reasons you think most men don’t abuse women. (If you are female, think of three reasons most women don’t abuse men.) | In this exercise you will look at why people don’t abuse others. Begin by writing three reasons you think most people don’t abuse others. |
Chapter 10: Understanding the Abuse Cycle
| Bringing Peace to Relationships (3rd Edition) | Bringing Peace to Relationships (4th Edition) |
| Both men and women can be the perpetrator or the victim in the cycle of abuse. However, most abusers are men. | Anyone, no matter their orientation or identity, can be the perpetrator or the victim in the cycle of abuse. |
| Professionals typically tell victims of violence “men who abuse women are often serial abusers“. We have had men tell us that they have slapped around almost every person they have ever dated. | Professionals typically tell victims of violence “abusers are often serial abusers“. We have had abusers tell us that they have slapped around almost every person they have ever dated. |
Chapter 15: Giving Up Some Control & Letting Go of Power
| Bringing Peace to Relationships (3rd Edition) | Bringing Peace to Relationships (4th Edition) |
| It’s My Privilege As The Man — Some male abusers believe that the man has the right to make decisions in the home. Some men believe that the woman should do as the man says. | It’s My Privilege — Some abusers believe that one person has the right to make decisions in the home. Some abusers believe that the other person should do as they say. |
| List two examples of how a man might try to manipulate children to force a woman to do what he wants. | List two examples of how the dominant person in a relationship might try to manipulate children to force the other person to do something. |
| List four things that a man might say to a woman to blame her, deny that there is a problem, or minimize the problem. | List four things that the dominant person in a relationship might say to the other person to blame them, deny that there is a problem, or minimize the problem. |
Chapter 16: Peaceful Relationships Through Partnership & Equality
| Bringing Peace to Relationships (3rd Edition) | Bringing Peace to Relationships (4th Edition) |
| Answer these questions as if you were your mate, wife, or abused partner. | Answer these questions as if you were your mate, lover, or abused partner. |
| She feels free when… | My partner feels free when… |
| Will you support her goals and respect her? | Will you support and respect your partner’s goals? |
| Will you agree to treat her as an equal in all ways? | Will you agree to treat your partner as an equal in all ways? |