Back in 2020, we observed that The Seattle Times dating scene writer was repeatedly expressing contempt for men on her professional Instagram profile, which the newspaper was promoting. This writer’s misandry and lack of empathy for young men made her a poor choice for Washington’s largest newspaper to feature as their “dating expert”. We laid this out in a blog post published in December 2020 and then another in July 2022.
A Seattle Times headline from last month, “Seattle matchmaker shares her winter dating tips,” brought to our attention the paper’s new dating scene writer, Allie Roodman.
Ms. Roodman’s attitude toward boys and men is a very welcome change. It is positive and empathetic.
“I feel like I’ve dated a lot of great guys…I’m grateful for most of the guys I’ve gone out with, as Seattle is full of wonderful people…I am far from perfect, and I’m pretty sure I’ve made many dating mistakes myself.” – Allie Roodman
Allie Roodman is 31, a self-described “modern millennial,” a Mercer Island native, and a part-time matchmaker with Simply Matchmaking, a company with offices in Seattle and Bellevue.
Allie’s columns published by The Seattle Times and Seattle Magazine convey a refreshing lack of animosity toward men. Her empathy for both men and women, her practical advice, her humility, and her self-deprecating humor make her writing worthwhile to read.
After getting in touch with Allie, we learned that her mindset toward young men has been influenced by the fact that the younger brother of her close friend died by suicide. Also, she follows professor Scott Galloway (The Prof G Podcast) and has been moved by his impassioned appeals, like this one on CNN, for our leaders to take the struggles of young men in America more seriously.
“From my experiences as a nonjudgmental dating coach, I’ve learned that everyone has preferences and different interpretations of how dating in Seattle can be challenging. They’re all entitled to these feelings and — rightly or wrongly — a lot are based on past romantic experiences.” – Allie Roodman
Allie’s insights
Allie shared with us the following about herself:
“I definitely do not hate men, in fact quite the opposite. I enjoy developing connections with men. I do get frustrated at times. Sometimes my frustrations are warranted, and other times I have to remind myself (especially if we’re not in an exclusive relationship) that my grievances might be unfair. Like most women, I’ve had my share of bad experiences, but I try to take accountability for my part. There does need to be a lot more empathy, and direct communication too.”
She articulated some patterns she has seen among guys she has dated:
“Some general trends I noticed among young men I dated in my 20s were a lack of skills around processing and regulating their emotions, a great deal of shame, feeling lost, feeling like they should be ‘further along’ and more financially successful, and just a general feeling that they were failing and inadequate — I think mostly due to a feedback loop from career-related struggles.”
Allie also shared a reflection about herself and other women she has spoken with:
“It’s difficult as a young woman who is dating, too, and I’ve spoken to other young women about their boyfriends and husbands. I think most young women are compassionate and want to help, but sometimes women over-subscribe to ideas about what it means to be a ‘good’ woman/wife/partner — sometimes to our own detriment.”
Reducing antagonism and increasing empathy
Misogyny and misandry are both poisonous to much-needed efforts toward increasing empathy between the sexes. Considering Allie Roodman’s male-friendly mindset, Washington Initiative for Boys and Men celebrates that The Seattle Times and Seattle Magazine are drawing attention to her thoughts about matchmaking and finding a partner.
Allie empathizes with the struggles each sex experiences when single and dating. Even though dating can leave her frustrated and disappointed at times, she chooses not to succumb to a general resentment toward men. She encourages singles to be resilient and to choose positivity: “So long as you continue to put yourself out there and keep your heart open, you can find what you’re looking for.”
‘It’s worth pursuing’
We conclude this post with an excerpt from one of Allie’s columns, “It’s easier to find a Prius than a date in Seattle“.
“The search for love is just plain hard. And yet, we’re all on board to keep trying. Because for most of us, finding that combination of compatibility and desire is what we aspire to on our journey to happiness. And it’s worth pursuing. It’s that elusive thing some of us have tasted, and others are yearning for.”
See also: Seattle Times piece on Big Brothers Big Sisters shows impressive concern for boys and 20 Facts About Testosterone To BOOST Your Understanding of Men and Boys