Seattle mayoral candidate and former NBA basketball player James Donaldson spoke with Washington Initiative for Boys and Men on June 1, 2021. James was an open book, and his responses demonstrated his wisdom, honesty, and compassion for all people.
Below the video is the list of questions we asked James and a partial transcript of the interview.
Men, masculinity, policing, homelessness, Sonics
Here are the questions we asked James:
- Why are men reluctant to ask for help when they’re feeling down?
- What does it take to get through to men that it’s ok to seek out help?
- Where can boys and young men turn for guidance into manhood?
- What is special about male friendships?
- What is masculinity, and do you consider yourself masculine?
- What should Seattle do about homelessness and policing?
- Why does the gender disparity aspect of homelessness receive little attention?
- Why have African-Americans historically had lower rates of suicide?
- Isn’t it tragic that some of the methods we contemplate for suicide involve directly victimizing a second person? What is “suicide by cop”?
- What will make a real difference in closing the achievement gap for Black boys?
- How is your campaign for mayor going at this point?
- If elected, would you try to bring back the Sonics?
Video Transcript
Teaser
James Donaldson: I fought so hard to make it through after Tyler Hilinski took his life. I read all the reporting about the great kid that Tyler was, and I said to myself: I don’t want to take my own life and then have everybody talk about how great a guy I was. I’ll stick around to tell my own story. I’ll let people know I made it through very difficult times and that they can make it through difficult times too.
Read our article on former WSU quarterback Tyler Hilinski: Washington State University and Hilinski’s Hope Foundation support mental health of student-athletes
Introduction
WIBM: James Donaldson is in the midst of his second run for mayor of Seattle. James is a former NBA basketball player, a former business owner of 28 years, and a current advocate for mental health awareness and suicide prevention with the Your Gift of Life Foundation.
The topics we discussed include guidance for young men, male friendships, masculinity, homeless and policing in Seattle, suicide and race, the achievement gap for African-American boys, and bringing back the Sonics. First, we talked about men and mental illness.
Question 1
WIBM: I know that you’ve suffered some very difficult life circumstances in recent years, and you went through a year-long period of depression. I understand during that time you thought about ending your own life.
I’ve heard you talk about how men in particular need encouragement that it’s ok to be vulnerable, it’s ok to show weakness, and – especially – it’s ok to ask for help when we’re struggling with our feelings.
Men are known to be less proactive at seeking out treatment for mental illness. Why are we this way?
James Donaldson: I think it’s the way a lot of us are raised: You’re a boy. Don’t cry. Suck it up. Be tough. So we grow up with that mindset.
I think it’s even worse for athletes. We really put up the shield of invincibility. Nothing can hurt me. I’ll never let you know if I’m hurting or I’m sick. I’m going to compete. I’m going to play. I’m not going cry. I’m not going to. That’s kind of men’s makeup.
Maybe it goes back to our old caveman days when we were relied upon to be the provider and protector, going out there fighting the big bears and sabertooth tigers, protecting the family. And not really crying about it. Just going and doing it. To this day, this is still the role that we play instinctively.
My whole things is trying to get men to know it’s ok to feel bad or to cry or to ask for help. It’s totally ok! And that’s what I want to make progress on throughout my remaining years of working in this field of mental health awareness and suicide prevention.
James Donaldson
Men in teams sports or a military unit
WIBM: Yeah, I would imagine in team sports in particular, if you’re a man who is relied upon as a teammate, you might be even less willing to admit vulnerability because you don’t want to let your brothers down.
James Donaldson: That’s exactly right. And if you take time off from your competitive sport to heal a bit, you lose your place on the team. So you have a lot to risk by showing weakness, showing fatigue, showing that you can’t do the job right now.
I have a talk coming up at JBLM in September for National Suicide Prevention Month, and the same goes for military personnel. If they show or report mental challenges or illness or anything like that, they could very well lose their firearms and not be able to brandish them during their time in the military. That’s a big fear – for men especially – because it kind of emasculates them. You’re no longer able to compete at the same level as the other guys. That’s a hard thing for men’s egos to take.
WIBM: That hadn’t occurred to me, but it’s obvious! In the military, if you demonstrate depression or anxiety, they’re likely to say: I’m sorry but we can’t rely on you to deploy and be part of this mission because we have to just send people whom we know are at 100%.
James Donaldson: That’s right. Or even just training with firearms. They’d take your gun away and wouldn’t allow you to participate in training. You’re resigned to some desk duty job…which isn’t what most of the guys enlist in the military for!
Question 2
WIBM: Are there any methods that you think are especially effective at getting through to men – or young men in particular – about the importance of asking for help when they’re feeling unwell? Have you noticed any patterns about what tends to be most effective at flipping the switch in men’s minds where they begin to think: I’m not going to hide how I’m feeling anymore. I’m going to have the guts to ask for help.