False narratives surrounding domestic violence and relationship abuse make advocating for males that much more difficult.
Exactly one month after Senator John Lovick (D-Mill Creek) filed Senate Bill 5830, the commission on boys and men bill, experts and legislators held a work session in Olympia on the topic of “Addressing Domestic Violence from a Public Health and Behavioral Health Perspective” (full video here). Bias and false information that were on display during that work session illustrate one of the vexing obstacles that prevents advocacy for boys and men from gaining more traction than it does.
We just published to YouTube our most extensive video project ever, and I’ll come right out and say it: Please find 15 minutes to watch this video — End the Gender Bias | Time for Domestic Violence Experts to Change. The video includes clips that clearly show some of our leaders and experts in Washington perpetuating bias on this issue.
It is our wish that all who follow the work of Washington Initiative for Boys and Men would be sufficiently informed about the realities of domestic violence and relationship abuse that they would not only not participate in perpetuating the myths, but they would even raise their voices against the myths when they encounter them. Let us all be ambassadors for truth on this issue.
Disclosure: Years ago, I (Blair Daly) was a victim of female-perpetrated domestic violence. After removing myself from that relationship, I heard the stories of other men who had been through it too and who were harmed by the gender bias surrounding this issue in ways far worse than I ever was. That is one of several things that motivated me to begin advocating for boys and men in the public arena.
What makes advocating for boys and men difficult?
In January 2024, the legislature in Olympia declined for a third consecutive year to hold a public hearing on Washington’s commission on boys and men bill. People are now asking: “After they look at the statistics you present, what do they have against this idea? Why is this so hard?”
Over time, we plan to share what we think are some credible answers to those questions.
For starters, consider the effects of widespread societal misconceptions about domestic violence and relationship abuse. These misconceptions — for example, that “95% of all serious domestic violence is perpetrated by men” — prop up a belief among some that men as a class oppress women as a class. Or, the belief that men as a class use their greater size and strength to intimidate and maintain power and control over women as a class.
For people who see males as an oppressor class, it is difficult for them to be in favor of any government that has modern, progressive values giving attention toward helping boys and men.
To be clear, we are not just speculating that misconceptions about domestic violence affect our advocacy. We know they are. We have heard influential people inside and outside of government counter the arguments for establishing a commission on boys and men with a line similar to this: “But men commit the vast majority of domestic violence.”
By the way, a core advocacy partner of WIBM is Ann Silvers, who is a counselor based in Gig Harbor. She is the author of our top-recommended book on the topic of women abusing men in relationships, Abuse of Men By Women: It Happens, It Hurts, and It’s Time to Get Real About It.
Watch Our VideoNote: The issues highlighted in this latest video are not our be-all, end-all. Not by a long shot. Washington Initiative for Boys and Men advocates for boys and men on issues across the board, including preventing deaths of despair (suicide, drugs, alcohol), reducing homelessness and incarceration, bettering educational outcomes, reducing fatherlessness, getting more men into teaching, social work, and mental health care, and so on.
