A young man’s letter to Dr. Warren Farrell, author of The Boy Crisis, demonstrates one reason why efforts to empathize with boys and young men – and to affirm them in their maleness – are so critical, to the extent even of saving lives. In this post we republish that letter.
As a preface, we share this comment by another person who read this young man’s letter to Dr. Farrell:
This letter is the best possible message to help promote our work in supporting boys and men. I have always believed Warren’s work and the work of organization’s like mine [which offers mentoring to boys] have prevented mass shootings. We must connect this important truth to our message.
Hello Dr. Farrell,
My name is Jose and I am emailing you as a follow-up to a comment I posted on your YouTube channel. I have watched all your videos and read your book The Boy Crisis.
My mother was a feminist when she was young, and she voluntarily chose to be a single mother with the consent of my father who agreed to stay out of my life. The two of them had a brief intimate relationship that went no further after I was conceived.
Not having a father left a void in my life and hole in my heart.
Listening to the audiobook of The Boy Crisis was surreal because you described my life so accurately. If I didn’t know better I’d have thought you were spying on me. Growing up I was not motivated to be involved with my peers and my mother never pushed me to excel in my academics. I developed an addiction to video games which facilitated a life of increasing dysfunction and isolation that ended up with me being a recluse. I also developed a porn addiction due to not having a traditional outlet to release my sexual tension as a teenager. All of this was exacerbated by being socially ostracized and having frequent intense and vicious arguments with my mother.
Into my early twenties I was still living in my mother’s basement and got heavily involved with 4chan and 8chan. I became involved with neo-fascist ideologies, and I was active within the incel community as well. I actually interacted briefly with the Aztec High School shooter through my contacts in the neo-fascist community. I myself had written a 52 page manifesto.
I slowly began to realize something was seriously wrong and my mental health had deteriorated dramatically.
I stumbled across your book in my search for answers, and it finally helped make sense of why I became who I was. It was like waking up from a coma. I decided to go get help and have recently been diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder which, everything considered, did not surprise me. I’ve slowly been making progress at getting my life together.
If it was not for you sir I think I would have eventually acted out on the beliefs expressed in my manifesto as did others involved in 8chan such as the El Paso shooter Patrick Crusius or the Christchurch New Zealand shooter Brenton Tarrant.
So I want to personally thank you because I feel like you have saved not only my life but potentially the lives of other innocent people. If there is anything I can do to help spread your message please let me know.
Thank you again!
Sincerely, Jose
See related: 4 out of 5 youth suicides in Washington are males: Our video testimony to legislators in Olympia
