A male survivor of domestic violence gave brief remarks when receiving the City of Kirkland’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month proclamation at a city council meeting on October 5. His remarks are shown in the two-minute video below. A transcript is provided at the bottom of this post.
Washington Initiative for Boys and Men commends the City of Kirkland for their demonstration of inclusiveness by welcoming the participation of a male survivor of female-perpetrated intimate partner violence during this year’s proclamation.
1 in 4 men will experience some form of physical violence by an intimate partner, and 1 in 7 men will experience severe physical violence by an intimate partner, according to Lifewire, the Eastside’s leading provider of domestic violence services. Lifewire reports hearing from men that:
- There are few community resources for male survivors of domestic violence.
- Family members or friends have told them to “suck it up” because they’re a man.
- They’re not believed when they share their abuse with police, family, or friends.
There are many reasons why survivors stay in abusive relationships. Lifewire says men in particular may stay because:
– Many men don’t realize the signs of abuse.
– They don’t want to be seen as weak or less of a man.
– There is a lack of resources, especially shelter and housing options for men with children.
– They worry about losing custody of their children.
See related post: Abuse OF Men BY Women – Our Interview with Counselor and Author Ann Silvers [Videos]
Full remarks given by male recipient of Domestic Violence Awareness Month proclamation
It’s an honor to receive this proclamation on behalf of other survivors of domestic violence.
Some people think it’s funny when a woman beats on a man when she’s upset. It’s basically harmless; she can’t really hurt him, right? My experience was that it wasn’t funny at all. It was scary. And it hurt. And it was confusing. See, my conception of domestic violence up until that point, in my late 20s, was that it was a matter of men mistreating women.
So it was disorienting to find myself in that situation. I had to drop my outdated way of thinking about domestic violence, take the situation seriously, and find ways to stay safe.
It turns out that in Washington, intimate partner violence is perpetrated by women against men not that much less often than by men against women. And it’s a problem in same-sex couples too, with studies showing lesbian women experiencing violence at higher rates than straight women.
My advice to any man, and to any person, is that if your partner is violent toward you – even one time – take it very, very seriously. Tell a couple people who you trust, and get help. Although there are fewer shelters and resources available to men, there are people who will believe you and help you.
To the City of Kirkland, thank you for the lengths to which you’ve gone to make this year’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month proclamation inclusive.
END
The full text of Kirkland’s October 2021 Domestic Violence Awareness Month Proclamation is online, as is the full video of the October 5, 2021 City Council meeting.
Watch related video: WOMEN’S VIOLENCE in MEDIA | Angela Martin of ‘The Office’ and TV Depictions of Violent Women