Sheri Olsen spoke with Washington Initiative for Boys and Men about how some men suffer greatly as a result of the abortion of their child. Olsen’s organization Path of Life in Spokane is one of several in Washington state that offers post-abortion support groups to help men heal.
Above is a 5-minute video which shows excerpts from our conversation with Sheri Olsen. Below is an edited transcript of the content in the video.
People are confused why dads would need post-abortion healing
Path of Life offers post-abortion recovery for both men and women. At a training event we did last year, a man in his twenties very politely said, “I don’t understand why you offer that for men.” I said, “Well, because in every pregnancy where a woman is involved there is also a man involved.”
You could see the lightbulb turn on above his head, like Oh my word, I’ve been raised in a culture where I always heard “my body, my choice”. It did not occur to me that men may need post-abortion healing. Yes, they do! There are fathers who suffer greatly as a result of the loss of their child. Obviously this young man wasn’t unaware of how a baby is conceived. That wasn’t the issue at all. It’s that he’s lived in a culture where he’s been told that if sex results in a pregnancy, the man has no input. Which, I mean…he’s the father of child.
A video we did for an event last year featured a couple who aborted a child before they got married. They began to struggle in their marriage a few years into it, and the wife sought post-abortion healing. About four years after she sought healing, he came in too. He saw the change in her life, and he realized he needed it as well. Because they both received healing from that traumatic incident, and they walked through many of the struggles and lack of trust in their marriage as a result of that traumatic event, they ended up with a richer marriage.
WIBM: What are some unique things about post-abortion recovery for men?
This may not be a popular statement, but men and women are different, and they heal differently.
We women sometimes want our men to deal with their sadness the way we deal with our sadness, like “No, sit and cry with me. Why don’t you feel bad like I do? Your sadness doesn’t look like mine does.”
Men often need to do something like go for a run and to be shoulder-to-shoulder with another guy. Personally, I don’t want to go running or be shoulder-to-shoulder with someone when I’m dealing with something tough. I want you to just sit and listen to me. But I’m a woman.
For a man, they may not want that. And some of those activities, if you will, may help him be able to release some of the pressure of his feelings — feelings that he has been told by society and culture that he’s not supposed to have. If he does, what’s wrong with him? There’s nothing wrong with him. He’s a dad. Dads are designed to protect and provide for their families and their children. There’s an emasculation of our men when we remove them from that equation because we’re saying, “I don’t want you to do what you were designed to do.”
The staff at Path of Life who lead post-abortion recovery for men affirm the men in their role of protecting and providing for their family. Often there’s a feeling that that role has been stripped from them through an abortion.
WIBM: Do men ever feel like they’ve failed in their role to protect the child because the pregnancy was terminated?
Yes, absolutely. I would say they do have that feeling that they failed to protect their child, and yet legally they don’t have that right.
WIBM: Who is Warren Williams and why is he relevant to this topic?
Those of us who’ve been in the pregnancy center movement for a long time often call Warren Williams the father of post-abortion recovery for men. I believe that his wife was a director at a pregnancy center in Colorado. He just had a burden as he began considering the men. He wrote one of the first post-abortion recovery studies for men called “Broken Arrows,” and he made it free online. His heart was: If we can heal the men, then that’s going to be huge for society.
Read a related WIBM post about the amazing story of a Seattle man who refused to give up on his family.