Nathan Friend sticks out on one of the webpages of Perinatal Support Washington. Among the twenty smiling faces on their Our Team page, he’s the only man.
Nathan is the Dad Specialist with Perinatal Support Washington, which offers peer support to families anywhere from the conception journey through childbirth through having a two-year-old. They are a nonprofit organization that receives funding from individuals, foundations, and the state.
Blair Daly of WIBM first met Nathan in June 2024 when they both participated in the Fatherhood Summit in Tacoma put on by the Washington Fatherhood Council.
Blair recently sat down with Nathan to learn about the support he provides to men. Among the topics discussed: dads soothing their babies. [Watch the video.]
Note: The KUOW radio segment that Blair refers to during the interview is “Taking on the challenges of fatherhood, one phone call at a time“
‘What kind of support do you have for my husband?’
Partial transcript of the video above…
Nathan Friend (teaser clip): In the support group we talk about how none of us are better dads than anyone else. We are all coming to fatherhood from our own histories, lived experiences, and value systems. We’re all doing the best that we can with the resources that we have available. And there are some dads who have a lot more resources in order to be the best dads that they can, and some dads who have different or fewer resources. But that lack of resources doesn’t equate to a lack of desire to be a father, a lack of desire to do their best.
Blair Daly: We first met at the Fatherhood Summit held in Tacoma last June hosted by the Washington Fatherhood Council. I was there representing Washington Initiative for Boys and Men, and you were there because you are the Dad Specialist with Perinatal Support Washington and their peer support phone line, where people can call and get advice and encouragement.
I understand you’re a father of three kids.
Nathan Friend: Yeah, I’ve got a 3-year-old, a 6-year-old, and an 8-year-old.
Blair Daly: I looked up the word “perinatal” because it’s not one I use everyday, and I see it refers to the period right around childbirth — both before and after childbirth.
Nathan Friend: We support families in the perinatal period, which for us is anywhere between the conception journey, through pregnancy, childbirth, the newborn phase, up to about two years old. We’re supporting families who are dealing with fertility issues, miscarriages, infant or preterm loss, and then also folks who are pregnant, folks who’ve recently given birth, and folks with young kids up to two years old.
Blair Daly: Perinatal Support Washington has what’s referred to as a ‘Warm Line’. If you call it you won’t necessarily have someone pick up right away, although you might if it’s during business hours. But within a short period of time you’ll be called back by someone who’s prepared to offer peer support. These are people who have similar experiences to ones that you’re going through and calling about.
How are men finding out about Perinatal Support Washington and the fact that it’s a father-friendly place where people know how to talk to dads and you can even talk to a dad.
How men find out about Nathan and Perinatal Support Washington
Nathan Friend: We get a lot of provider referrals. For example people who learn about us when they check out of a hospital after the birth and they receive our flyer. People who hear about us in pre- or post-natal visits with a provider like a midwife or an obstetrician. We get referred to from doulas — birth support workers.
We get a lot of referrals directly from providers who are working with clients. It might be a therapist, or a social worker at the neonatal intensive care unit. They might say, “I know you’ve been going through a tough time. Here’s a resource in the community that you can access.”
I specifically get a lot of my referrals through spouses and partners. We’ll have a wife or a mom or a partner who’s concerned about or has challenges with their husband, with the father of their child. They call the Warm Line for themselves because maybe they’re struggling from a traumatic birth or postpartum depression, and then they’re like, “Hey I’m actually kind of concerned about my husband, my partner. What kind of support do you have for him?” Then our Warm Line volunteers get to say, “We actually have a dad specialist on staff who can talk with him directly.”
Also, I run a weekly support group for new dads, and so there’s a lot of cross-pollination between people who call into the Warm Line and find out there’s a support group for dads; dads come to the support group; I’m facilitating it and I say, “By the way, I also work one-on-one offering peer support,” and then they reach out to me after the support group because they’d like to connect one-on-one. Likewise, when I talk to dads one-on-one I pitch the support group to them.
Blair Daly: Oh, so there are a lot of referrals. It’s not always a guy learning about you from a flyer at a hospital. But I am curious… [Watch the rest of the interview]
See related: More dads needed on judicial advisory committees focused on children, families, and gender bias